"You think I need what?"

"To get laid."

"That's what I thought you said"

We're sitting in the commissary eating mystery meat sandwiches and trying to wind down after a gruelling three weeks on duty. My butt still smarts from the needles Janet's been poking me with since I had a bad reaction to my last allergy treatment and my head is throbbing after a morning spent on translations. I must be getting soft if I let Jack sneak his legendary sense of humour up on me like that. He's looking a little sheepish as a peer at him over the top of my newspaper.

"You've been.how can I put this.cranky and irritable for the past.."

I drop the paper and lean forward. He's serious? He looks a little concerned. Jack's concerned that I'm not getting any action? Well this just takes the biscuit. I'm SOOO not letting him get away with this.

"And that means I need to get laid?"

"Sure. classic signs."

"So Jack, what's your excuse? You've been cranky and irritable as long as I've know you."

He smiles and leans back in his chair. The epitome of the alpha male secure in his dominance. Supremely confidant and more than a little cocky in my opinion.

"Now Daniel this isn't about me, per se. And my sex life is just peachy, thank you."

"Oh, really? I think I might just be ahead of you on points there, Jack."

That's got him worried. He's leaning forward and staring at me. Got you thinking has it Jack? Good! He's counting on his fingers now. Sweet.

"I don't see how. Let's see now, since I've known you there's been Shaure.."

"And you were still with Sarah when we met."

"Then there was Shyla? That didn't end well."

Oh, that was below the belt! The woman got me addicted to a sarcophagus to keep me with her but she had some pretty impressive assets of her own. I bat my eyelashes in a flirtatious attempt to look feminine.

"Kynthia? The pie is only for you..?"

"Hey! She looked harmless."

"Talk about your sexually transmitted diseases, Jack."

Hehehe, one to me. He'll never live that down. It's one of the reasons we no longer sample the native fare and only eat our rat packs these days. He straightens and that smile is back. Uh oh, I'm in trouble.

"Hathor." He grins.

Ewwww! Let's not go there. I wasn't exactly a willing participant in that little fiasco!

"I'd rather not count her if you don't mind. And let's not forget Lyra from Edora. Another woman needing a DNA sample."

"Hey, low blow, Jackson." He feigns a hurt look. Actually I feel a little guilty about hitting him with Lyra. She wasn't so bad really. He claps his hands together and grins at me.

"So, that's all, isn't it?"

Well there's another one he must know about. Funny that he's missed her off his little list. I look at him sheepishly.

"Er. Kera."

"What - The Destroyer of Worlds? Ewwww Daniel. I'm surprise you even admit to that one!"

Okay, my track record with aliens hasn't been wonderful but there have been others. Jack isn't even aware of them. He thinks I spend all my spare time either with him or in my office with my nose in a book. Not true, and I'm about to enlighten him on that score.

"And. for your information, there has also been Laura from the canteen staff, Gillian from requisitions, Lieutenant Harris."

"PETER Harris!!!?"

"Madeline Harris, Jack. Oh! And Faye from the shop at the corner of my street. However, if you want to count one night stands."

Got him! That look is absolutely classic. What's the matter Jack? Finding out your little archaeologist is not as innocent as you thought? His feather's are all fluffed up. It's kind of cute.

"Hey! Wait a minute. Let me get caught up here. Mandy from the White House, Sue and Angie from the bait shop in Minnesota, Patty from the ticket stand at the Hockey rink and Selma from the bowling alley. There I'm one up on you."

"As I was saying. one night stands."

The commissary is busier now, as a second shift comes and goes. We're still sitting here playing the one-upmanship game but Jack is flagging. He leans back in his chair and swipes a hand wearily across his eyes. I think my story about the twin airline hostesses may have won me the war!

"Okay. I admit it; you're getting more than I am. Are you happy now?"

Actually no, I'm not. This little game has only reminded me of how long it's been since I last had sex; and the reasons why I stopped wanting it on a casual basis. There comes a time when one night stands just don't do it for you anymore. Especially when there's only one person that really interests you and you can't have them.

"I guess it has been a while." I sigh, studying my hands intently.

"So I was right. You need to get laid."

"So do you."

I haven't noticed Jack doing the rounds much these days either. We stare at each other for a moment, then Jack raises a questioning eyebrow in a manner that reminds me eerily of Teal'c.

"Double date?"

Why am I not surprised? I shake my head dubiously and lean closer saying in a conspiratory whisper,

"I dunno Jack, I don't think I would find your type of woman attractive."

He leans closer too, looking all shifty and dangerous. It sends a shiver down my spine to watch Jack plotting. He's a force to be reckoned with.

"You like intelligence, right? I was thinking about those two."

He tilts his head towards a table in the corner where two attractive women are deep in conversation. The dark haired one is wearing a lab coat and the blonde is in cammo.

"Sheena works with Sam in the lab, doesn't she? So, who's the SF?"

"Ah. that would be Lieutenant Babs Curtis. I've heard good things about her."

Jack is second in command of this base. It stands to reason that he would have read all the reports, assessments and appraisals for all the airmen stationed here. Still there is something about that tone. I know I shouldn't, but I take his bait.

"About her work in the field?"

"The field, the woods, the parking lot. You name it"

And there you have it. Proof positive that Jack O'Neill is a locker room gossip. I feign outrage and shock but, secretly I applaud his delivery.

"Jack! Shame on you! Okay, who's gonna ask?"

"You go soften them up with the baby blues, then I'll swoop in for the kill."

"Okay. Hope I can remember how to do this."

I plaster a smile on my face and saunter over towards our victims.

POV: Daniel
This is stupid. I can't take my eyes off Jack. He's slow dancing with Lt. Curtis and she has her hands on his ass. It never ceases to amaze me how fast that man can work! He was right about me needing to get laid though. I haven't had sex in four months. At least not with someone else! Jesus my right arm looks like it belongs to Arnold Schwarzenegger. This afternoon, when we were comparing dates, I caught the look of disgust on his face when he thought I had dated Pete Harris. Luckily, I also dated Maddie or he would have been in for a real shock. I deliberately deleted the guy's names after that.

I don't think he would really freak if he found out about me. He is my friend, and a dammed good friend too. Once he got over the initial shock, I'm sure he wouldn't hate me. Might avoid me in the showers for a couple of months but, ultimately my friend Jack would deal with it.

So why haven't I told him? >sigh< because I'm in love with him.

I can't take the risk that I might be wrong about this, that he might react badly, that I might lose him. Not that I have him right now. He's merrily preparing to boink his way across the base and I'm standing right at his side, preparing to do the same. Just so that I can be near him. How sad is that?

A polite cough brings me back to the here and now; and I turn to look at the lady by my side, the lady in red. She looks like she's been poured into that dress! Who knew that the geeky scientist with the glasses would scrub up so well?

"Would you like to dance?" I ask politely and she smiles.

POV: Jack
Who knew that the geeky scientist in the glasses would scrub up so well? He's wearing navy blue chino's and a pale blue silk shirt, three buttons undone (going for overkill there Danny) and he smells fantastic too. I should have asked to borrow some of that aftershave. He isn't wearing the glasses either, must have contacts in. And oh boy, are those baby blues sparkling! He is definitely gonna get laid tonight. What's her name, Sheena, is panting in his ear!

They pass by me and I catch another whiff of that aftershave. Oh yeah, she can't fail but react to that. I shift uncomfortably, aware that I'm doing a fair bit of reacting myself. I swear I've seen him looking at me a couple of times tonight like he wants to eat me alive. I know I'm not imagining it. I didn't think he'd ever work it out, but now I'm sure he has and he seems to be dealing with it okay.

Lt. Curtis is pressed close to me, and I'm sure she must be aware too. It's not as if its something I can hide from her while slow dancing. She's smiling against my neck. Oh yeah, she's noticed. She's exaggerating the hip swaying thing and actually grinding herself against me. Woo hoo! Keep your aftershave Danny, I have my own wiles!

POV: Sheena
Well this is nice. I didn't expect to enjoy myself tonight. But Dr. Jackson, sorry Daniel, turns out to be quite witty and charming. Colonel O'Neill on the other hand is an ass. I really don't see what Babs sees in that arrogant pissy old fart! But, hey, to each their own right? I spent a lot of money on this dress, and I've been getting a LOT of attention and appreciative looks for every man we pass. Even the Colonel had to cross his legs when I walked into the room. But the most surprising reaction was from Babs. She gave me a godammed wolf whistle. And her eyes were glued to my boobs for a whole five minutes. Interesting.

POV: Babs
Interesting! The Colonel has a hard-on. I'm fairly sure I didn't put it there. I look great tonight if I do say so myself, glittery tight black cocktail dress, hair and make-up perfect, perfume bloody expensive, but he's barely noticed me. I think I should have gone for red like Sheena. Whoa! Does she ever fill that dress. I never noticed before how nice her boobs are. Usually covered up in that white lab coat she wears all the time. I'm noticing now as she glides past with Dr. Jackson's tongue down her throat. Lucky bastard. Oh well, guess that makes three of us that will be thinking about Sheena tonight.

POV: Daniel
So, here I am, necking with a fine looking woman in the middle of the dance floor and I have a hard-on the size of the Great Pyramid of Giza, but she didn't put it there. Her eyes are closed which is fine because it means I can watch the person that really put the tiger in my tank. Jack and Babs have moved to a quiet and secluded booth and are eating each other alive. I'm watching him gyrate those slim hips against her, seeing the way her head falls back and he sinks his teeth into her throat. Damn that's sexy! Sheena gasps and pulls back a bit looking down between our bodies

"I think we should take this somewhere more private, Daniel," she purrs and I have to agree. It is getting embarrassing. I turn her around and wrap my arms around her waist, steering her towards the others, but keeping her pressed close to hide my erection. It takes a moment to get their attention.

Jack drags his lips away from a dazed looking Babs and smiles wolfishly at me. His gaze says clearly, `so are we leaving?' I smile back and nod, noticing for the first time the tenting of his trousers. Ooh! We are SO getting laid tonight! A few moments later and we're all piling into Jack's truck.

It's a bit of a tight fit in the back but, I'm not complaining; It means that Sheena is almost in my lap; and if she doesn't stop squirming like that, the evening's entertainment will be over before it's begun.

"My place?" asks Jack nonchalantly. Of course his place. He has two bedrooms, I only have one. We all smile and we're off. He slips the truck into gear and heads out onto the highway.

AN HOUR LATER
Jack pulls open the truck door and hops back in, rain soaked and definitely pissed off; he shakes his head like a dog, spraying water over us all. Babs has migrated to the back seat with Sheena. The two ladies are huddled together for warmth. I shiver in the front, casting Jack a sidelong glance. We are so NOT getting laid tonight.

See, Jack was sure he had a spare tire in the back. Which of course, he didn't. Then the rain came and we discovered that none of us had mobile phones with us. So, Jack had to walk three miles back to the nearest garage and phone a taxi for us. By that time, the mood was definitely gone. I got wet trying to help Jack get the flat off and while I was occupied, my date got all snugly with Jack's.

It has not escaped my attention that the two ladies are finding interesting ways of keeping each other warm. Jack looks apologetically at me then glances at the back seat and frowns.

Yeah Jack! They've started without us!

The taxi's headlights illuminate the truck's interior and the girls book without so much as a thank you. I sigh. Oh well, at least I get to see Jack wet. He glances sideways at me and shakes his head spraying me with water again. As the taxi pulls away, he fires off a mock salute and leans back against the seat.

"Did you see what they were doing back there?"

"I saw."

"Kinda turned me on a bit."

"Eveything turns you on Jack."

"I need to get laid."

We look at each other and I wonder what the hell is going through that mind of his. We're sitting in a truck with a flat tire, on a country road, in the rain at 2 am, with no mobile phones and no hot lesbian chicks to keep us warm. He smiles that wolfish grin and leaps out of the truck. I have no intention of following him. I wrap my arms tightly around my chest and sigh.

There are a few moments of intense rocking and bouncing and I begin to wonder what the hell he's doing out there. Then he jumps back in, shakes and soaks me again, and starts the engine.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Flat tire."

"Fixed it."

"Huh?"

Suddenly things are heading towards the twilight zone. Jack must have had a spare tire all along. So why...? Penny please meet floor! He wanted to get rid of our hot dates, dates that we were absolutely positively gonna get into bed with. No doubt about it, we were gonna get laid. I mention this to him.

"Still gonna get laid Danny. Bet your sweet ass on it."

I watch his profile as he heads out onto the road again and smile. Well what do you know! Looks like he's dealing with it just fine!