Pete Shanahan

I don't know the man, but already I like him. I like him because Sam likes him. She's happier than I've seen her for a long time, and that makes me happy too. I'm glad she's finally moving on. Getting on with her life. Letting go of... well, stuff.

Don't ask, don't tell. Its funny, but after seven years working together, living through loss and grief, death and rebirth, you get to know what's 'inside' a person. You don't have to ask them anything; they don't have to tell you anything. You just know.

We've both been in love with the same person.

Now Sam is moving on. I don't know what happened, how she finally managed to let go of her feelings, but, God, how I wish I could do the same. If her longed-for relationship with Jack O'Neill was a non-starter due to regulations, then mine is even more impossible. At least there was always the faint hope that Jack might return her feelings, even if neither of them were willing to break the rules because of it.

I don't even have that hope. Oh, Jack 'loves' me. I know that. He loves us all. But I don't just want the love of a friend from Jack anymore. It's not what I need. God, I wish I could bury these feelings so deep that even I couldn't dig them up again.

Sam comes over and smiles at me hesitantly. "You okay?" she asks, and I smile. The party being thrown in the gate room to welcome Pete to the SGC was getting a little too noisy for me, and I had almost managed to back out of the big double doors unnoticed.

"I'm fine." No one ever believes me when I say that, and you know what? They know me too well. I'm really not fine.

She draws me back into the room, and I go with her, my eyes easily finding Jack amidst the throng of personnel crowding into the gate room. She notices and squeezes my arm, leaning in close to whisper in my ear, "You only live once, Daniel. Well... some of us only live once! Go for it."

Then she's gone, leaving me gasping in surprise, surrounded by people, but still alone.

Samantha Shanahan.

Kinda has a ring to it... Sam Shanahan... Mrs. Sam Shan...

Oh, shit! When did I regress to the emotional age of fifteen? We've barely even started out, and already I'm thinking 'picket fence' and 2.4 kids? Of course, that's exactly what Pete wants. Right from the very beginning, I could see how seriously he took our relationship. I think he fell in love with me at first sight.

How do I feel about that?

Scared shitless, if I'm honest. I like him... I like him a LOT, but I don't know if I *love* him. I think I could fall for him, but something is holding me back. This is the first man I've let over the wall since I came to terms with my feelings for Jack.

I don't think I will ever stop loving Jack. But I can't have him. He was never really mine anyway, and like my inner self told me, I do deserve better.

I deserve Pete.

But then Pete deserves a woman who can love him wholeheartedly. I want to be that woman, really I do. I'm just not sure I'm up to it. He's grinning at me like a Cheshire Cat. Love shines out from his eyes, and I feel my heart contract. God, Pete, *are* you the one? I want you to be the one.

PeteShanahan.

He is not what I expected.

MajorCarter strikes me as a woman who would settle for nothing less than perfection in a mate. I have yet to witness him in battle, and perhaps he is a formidable warrior, or perhaps his skills lie elsewhere? I will not judge him too soon. If MajorCarter finds merit in him, then he must be worthy of her regard.

I will offer him the opportunity to train with me in the gym, and perhaps I can help him to gain more body mass, like I did with DanielJackson. It took a great deal of time and patience, but the end results were satisfactory. I have observed many people on the base noticing how 'fit' he has become. Perhaps I can do the same for PeteShanahan.

And if he hurts MajorCarter physically or emotionally, I will tear his head off his shoulders and mount it on a pole in the gate room.

Pete Shanahan.

I'm smiling at him, watching him wrap his arm around Carter's waist and pull her in for a kiss. I see how happy she looks. And I'm happy for her. Really I am.

He's a nice guy. We spoke some, earlier. Nice guy. Nice fucking guy. He pulls back, and she smiles at him. Big smile. Oh yeah, they're happy. I feel a presence at my side and turn.

Daniel.

He's looking at me with those huge concerned puppy dog eyes. Such beautiful eyes. "Hey," I say softly. He smiles and follows my gaze. I know he's been watching me watch them for a while, and he's worried. He thinks I'm jealous or broken-hearted over this. He's right.

But he's also very wrong.

I love Carter. Always will. From the moment I first met her, she got right into my face and never once backed down. She isn't afraid of me. There are more than a few jarhead Marines who cower in my presence, but not Carter. She isn't afraid of anyone. She's tough, despite the slightness of her frame. I've seen her fight hand to hand against men twice her size, and I would trust her with my six any day of the week. Have, as a matter of fact, and would again.

She's fiercely protective of us all, ferocious like a lioness guarding her pride. She can drink me under the table, and we all know that she's WAY smarter than me. She's my friend, and I love her. I'll always love her.

But... I know now that I'm not IN love with her.

There was a time when I thought I was. I should never have let my feelings get out of control like they did. At the end of the day, the only person who got hurt was Carter, because she IS in love with me. I've always known that, and I should never have led her on like I did, no matter how fucking scared I was. No matter what I was running from, I shouldn't have let her think there was hope. It was wrong of me, and I'll never forgive myself for that.

But she's moved on now, thank God. She's finally let go of the impossible. Maybe she finally worked out the truth; the real reason that I can't be with her. It has nothing to do with Air Force rules and regulations. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment. It has everything to do with the man standing next to me right now.

So... I'm jealous that another man gets the chance to make my friend happy, but I'm not heartbroken, because she never had my heart to begin with. I look at him, standing beside me, nervously shuffling his feet, and I smile. He wants to help, wants to offer words of comfort, but he has no idea what to say.

I wish I could tell him the truth.

But he wouldn't believe me. He would run a mile. I did, when I first admitted to myself that I was in love with him. Like a spooked colt, I jumped the fence and kept running, until there was nowhere left to run to.

I turn to face him and sigh. "Wanna sneak off and get pizza?" I ask quietly, for his ears only.

"Sure," he replies, that shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the thought of skipping out early.

God, how I love this man. More that anything in the world. Too much to spoil it by telling him how I really feel. Can you imagine what the poor bastard would say if I did?

My fingers find his elbow, and I guide him out of the room.

Peter Colin Shanahan, former Denver city cop, and now SGC team member. Funny how fast things change. I have a new job, a new girl and a whole new perspective on life. That can happen when you find out that we are not alone in the Universe. Life altering stuff that. Big. Very fucking big.

I'm due to start on my basic training before they ship my sorry ass though the gate for the first time, and hell, the thought of that works better than any laxative known to man. But the best thing about all this is not the thrill of visiting new worlds. Not the sheer cheesiness of living James Kirk's words and seeking out new civilizations. "Boldly going", my ass...!

The best bit is finally having ALL of Sam. I can't believe this woman, this incredible woman, hasn't been snapped up already. But she's mine, and I think I fell in love with her the moment I first laid eyes on her. Then again, maybe I still don't have all of her. I see the looks. Jack O'Neill is one charismatic guy. He gets a lot of looks.

But I'm a trained observer of human nature. There's only one person that he has eyes for, and it sure isn't Sam.

I steal a sip from her glass, and she grins at me, eyes sparkling.

Jack O'Neill is no threat to me. And neither is Daniel Jackson. Nope, the only threat I feel in this room is being telegraphed from the huge alien guy with the gold tattoo on his forehead. Yeah, big guy, I hear ya. She's safe with me. Honest!

Pete Shanahan

Gotta love the guy.

If it weren't for him, I don't think either of us would have ever faced our feelings. One minute, Daniel and I were chomping our way through a double cheese pepperoni thin and crispy, and the next we were eating each other alive. I have no idea how it happened, and I don't even care.

After seven years, the itch finally got scratched, and man, was it worth the wait. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the moonlight, maybe it was the delayed effect of some weird alien love potion, but whatever it was, it worked.

Daniel is asleep, lying naked and spread-eagled in the middle of my bed, snoring like a pig and smelling like one too, but even so, he is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

I finally admitted how I feel to him, and not only did he not freak, he told me he loves me too! I ask myself what held me back all these years, and I think maybe the answer is guilt.

I knew Sam loved me, and I let her believe it was Air Force policy that stopped me. If I could lie to Carter, then I had to lie to Daniel too. Had to keep him at arm's length, because I just couldn't hurt her like that. I couldn't have hurt either of them. Then Pete came along, and suddenly there were no obstacles.

Pete Shanahan. Gotta love him.