"I'm sorry Daniel...I can't do this!"

Jack jerked backwards and turned, stumbling as he made for the front door to the apartment. Daniel sighed and let his head hang, afraid to look up and see the rejection in his friends eyes, afraid to see the disgust that he'd put there. Fuck!

He had known it would be a mistake, he knew that Jack would never, could never feel that way about him. And yet he had pushed it? Why had he done that? The sound of the door slamming closed roused him from his semi trancelike state.

Turning blindly, he opened the door to the balcony, letting the chill air of early October catch at his hair but he ignored it. He stepped up to the railing and stared unseeingly at the lights of the city spread out below him.

He had finally managed to end any semblance of friendship between Jack and himself in one fell swoop. At the time, he had reasoned, it didn't matter if he confessed his feelings because the two of them could barely stand to be in the same room anymore. Daniel had honestly thought he had nothing left to loose.

But he was wrong. Even if they spent most of their time arguing and fighting, and even if Jack seemed intent on pushing Daniel further away every day, at least Daniel could be near him on missions. He got to see Jack on an almost daily basis and on the occasions when they were off world together, he got to sleep in a tent right next to him. It was both heaven and hell. It was also over. Jack would have him reassigned for sure now, or perhaps even kicked off the mountain permanently.

What had he done? He gripped the railing tightly and fought back bitter tears that had been threatening to overwhelm him from the moment Jack had turned away. He wasn't going to cry! He was through crying over lost loves! Bending his head forward he shivered as the wind tugged at his shirt.

He hadn't really expected Jack to agree to come over here tonight. The request had been made half heartedly, waiting for the usual excuse, but Jack had simply nodded. He would bring beer; Daniel would supply the pizza. All day he had wandered around in a trance, still not believing that Jack would show.

But he had and the evening had gone well, an echo of other evenings spent in each other's company from a time when they were best friends. Suddenly Daniel was unsure if he should tell Jack why he had really asked him here tonight.

Standing on the cold balcony under a black and moonless sky, he wished like hell he had listened to himself earlier and just been happy to regain some of the companionship that he had so desperately missed. But no, it was never that simple. Too many beers, followed by too many spirits and suddenly Daniel was confessing all to a stupefied Jack.

His friend's mouth had fallen open and stayed like that through Daniels teary, soul wrenching disclosure. Even when he finally laid a hand on Jack's cheek and said softly,

"....so I guess what I'm trying to say Jack, is that I'm very attracted to you....."

Jack had remained motionless, his mouth still gaping. Daniel had let his hand drop and sighed. He half expected Jack to punch him, scream at him, shake some sense into him, anything but this shocked silence! Then Jack had got up and gone into the kitchen, emerging a moment later with two cups of steaming coffee from the ever ready percolator.

"I think we need this. It's strong" was all he had said. Daniel had accepted the cup but frowned in confusion. Jack thought it was the booze talking? Was he offering Daniel an out, a way of excusing himself for his outburst?

Daniel remembered what happened next like it was burned into his brain.

//He carefully placed the cup on a coaster, feeling far more sober than he probably was and stood up. Jack took a hasty step backwards looking like a deer caught in the headlights and Daniel froze.

"Jack..?"

His voice shook under the weight of what was happening.

"Damn!" Jack quickly closed the distance between them and gripped Daniels shoulders tightly, making the other man wince, and hissed between clenched teeth, "Daniel, forget about this ok? It never happened. We've had our problems these last few months, and it's only natural for us to be struggling right now with re-establishing the relationship. We will be fine ok? We ARE fine."

Daniel reached out and grabbed Jack's waist, pulling him closer. He was dammed if he was going to bury this now. It had taken more than four years to admit to it in the first place and he was sorry if Jack was having difficulty accepting his feelings but there was no way he could take it back now, and no way he wanted to.

Jack gasped in shock as his chest impacted with Daniels. He tensed and tried to pull back but Daniel snaked his arms around his waist and locked one wrist in a firm hand. He buried his mouth in Jack's neck and bit down passionately at the vulnerable jugular vein throbbing erratically under his lips.

Jack went completely rigid and the fingers clutching at Daniel's shoulders begun bruising the soft flesh. Daniel trailed his mouth up Jack's neck and along his jaw line stopping a fraction of an inch short of his mouth. He pulled back slightly, enough so that he could see into Jacks glittering dark brown eye.

"How can I forget it Jack? Ever time I see you I dream of doing this....."//

And then he had kissed Jack. It was a simple meeting of lips, Jack's were dry and unyielding, Daniels soft and moist. He had lingered for a moment, trailing his tongue along Jack's bottom lip and praying for a reaction. And he got one.

"I'm sorry Daniel...I can't do this!"

Daniel let his head fall forward until it was pressed against the cold rail. Oh god why had he done that? Why the fuck did he kiss Jack? He was lucky the Colonel hadn't decked him.

In the hallway outside Daniels loft, Jack slid down the wall and rubbed his hands repeatedly over his eyes. He was fighting to get his breathing back under control and to get his erratic thoughts back in line, and he was failing.

Every time he closed his eyes, a vision of Daniel's huge, glacier blue eyes filled his mind, and the feel of those soft lips brushing his had panic surging through his veins again. God! What the hell just happened?

He had intended to apologise to Danny for being such a bastard these last few months and to try and figure out why things had gotten so bad between them. He was hoping that this evening would be a first step on the road to getting their friendship back on track.

He had been growing more and more uncomfortable in the younger man's presence for such a long time now, it had become a habit to push him away, easier to do that than try and analyse the reasons for needing to. He had come to realise that he missed Daniel's company and had genuinely wanted to fix their relationship before it broke down too far.

Before the whole *kissing* thing, he was sure that they had already gone a long way towards doing just that. Then the sky had fallen on their heads. Suddenly Jack saw Daniel clearly for the first time in his life. *This* is what he had been running from. Somehow, Jack had subconsciously figured out that Daniel had feelings for him, and had been trying to avoid the inevitable confrontation.

He liked Daniel a hell of a lot, but there was no way he liked him enough to pretend that he was in love with the guy! Jack was 100% a ladies man, not once in his adult life had he even considered experimenting with guys. He was a little long in the tooth for that sort of nonsense now.

The fact that Daniel was only now admitting to being gay was a little hurtful, they had known each other for nearly five years, worked side by side for four, and he should have known that his sexuality would have made no difference to Jack. What made the difference was Daniel saying *I am attracted to you* Now that had, quite frankly, freaked the Colonel out.

*Didn't see that one coming did you?*

He let his head rest on his knees and thought of Daniel, and what must be going through his head right now. A true friend would march right back into the lion's den and try to help. Daniel would be so wracked with self-loathing; Jack knew how much he would be hurting right now. He forced himself to stand. No matter how uncomfortable this made him, he would be there for Daniel. He could never be there the way Daniel seemed to want him to be, but if the friendship could survive this, it was worth saving.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped back inside. The first thing he noticed was the long linen curtain at the balcony door billowing into the room and how cold the room had become. He saw the balcony door swinging in the wind and his blood turned to ice. Mind flashing back to the last time he had walked in here to find Danny on that dammed balcony, he was across the room in an instant.

Jack almost gasped with relief when he saw that Daniel was firmly planted on the right side of the railing, but his heart sank when he got a good look at his friend. Never had he seen a look of such defeat on Daniel face. The younger man had turned on hearing the soft footstep behind him, and leant back against the railing. The wind whipped his hair and made his loose shirt flap with a flag.

Jack took a deep breath and grabbed Daniels hand, tugging until the younger man followed him reluctantly into the living room. Firmly closing the balcony door, he retrieved the afghan from the back of the sofa and wrapped it round the shivering archaeologist, pulling him down onto the seat.

"What the fuck am I going to do with you Danny?" he said softly. Daniel closed his eyes and fought back the still unshed tears ruthlessly. Jack had come back. He cared enough to push aside the obvious revulsion he was feeling to make sure that his friend was ok.

His friend.

Jack still wanted to be his friend even after his shameful admission. Maybe things could be ok? He looked into those warm chocolate brown eyes and smiled back.

"You forgive me?"

"Daniel, I won't ever lie to you. I can't return your feelings, but I appreciate your honesty. I want us to be friends. Can you live with that?"

Daniel pulled the edges of the Afghan closer and nodded. He would take Jack anyway he could have him. He had managed for the last four years after all. Nothing had really changed bar the fact that now Jack knew how Daniel felt. It was a huge relief in one way. And if Jack could continue to be close, and not feel uncomfortable, then Daniel would bury his desires and continue to be a good friend whatever that cost him emotionally. As long as he could still be near Jack; that was all that mattered.

"I can live with that. Can you?"

Jack shrugged and retrieved his almost cold coffee from the table.

"Sure. But if you ever so much as lay one finger on my ass..."

Both men began laughing, and with the tension between them finally broken, they found it difficult to stop. Eventually, Jack let go of his aching sides and threw his arm around Daniel's shoulders.

"All joking aside Danny, I'm here for you ok? No more secrets."

Daniel hugged his friend back, knowing that this was as close as he was going to get made the moment even more intense.

"No more secrets Jack I promise."

Two Months Later......

Daniel smiled and patted Teal'c bare shoulder reassuringly. The big Jaffa nodded his thanks and let his eyes flutter closed. Daniel had been worried that they had lost their friend to Apophis and had spent that last three nights standing vigil at his bedside. Finally Janet had threatened him with a sleeping tablet if he didn't go home and get some rest. She assured him that Teal'c would be well cared for. Then Jack had turned up and insisted on driving him home. So he waited until he could hear Teal'c breathing deepen and finally turned away.

"He's gonna be fine Daniel" Jack said in his best bedside manner voice. "Bra'Tac says there won't be any lasting problems. He's back with us 100%"

Daniel nodded. This had to have been hard on Jack. He and Teal'c were fellow warriors, brothers in arms, they hardly needed words to communicate and they were unswervingly loyal to each other. Jack would never admit to anyone but he had been hurt by the Jaffa's betrayal. And yet all was now forgiven. Jack forgave his friends so easily that it never failed to take Daniels breath away. He wasn't sure he could be that understanding.

He allowed Jack to guide him towards the SG1 locker room and sat down heavily on the bench while Jack went to shower. Daniel had decided to wait until he got home and have a deep hot bubble bath. A few moments later Jack appeared wrapped in a towel.

"God Daniel you look worse than Teal'c. When was the last time you slept?"

Daniel ran a hand over his stubbly jaw and yawned. He had caught a couple of hours sleep here and there. Mostly in the chair next to Teal'c hospital bed. He hadn't changed his clothes in three days. Janet was right to kick him out of the infirmary - he was a walking biohazard. His tired mind began throwing strange images of compost heaps on legs at him then suddenly a fully clothed Colonel O'Neill was standing in front of him, hands on hips and worried frown creasing his brow. Daniel had no idea how long he had been zoned out but it must have been a while judging by the look if concern Jack was giving him.

"That's it Daniel, you're staying at my place tonight where I can keep an eye on you."

Daniel tried to splutter indignantly that he didn't need a babysitter but he was too tired and stiff to argue. Which reminded him of the bubble bath he so desperately wanted.

"Jack I want my bath!"

Jack grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the door.

"Got something better Danny. Trust me - you'll love it"

Daniel stood on the deck and stared in wonder at Jack O'Neill's latest toy. The hot tub was big enough for at least five people and hot enough to boil potatoes in. As Daniel swayed where he stood, Jack hastily adjusted the temperature controls then began stripping off. Daniel gulped and hastily turned his back. Did Jack intend to get into the tub naked? What the hell would his neighbours make of that? Then Jack strode past him into the house still wearing his trousers and Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. A moment later Jack re-emerged wearing a pair of very brief swimming trunks and handed another pair to Daniel.

"Those should fit. You can change in the bathroom if you're too shy."

Daniel took the trunks and bolted for the bathroom feeling a little disconcerted by Jacks cavalier attitude. Since the 'kissing' incident, they had worked very hard at avoiding situations where they had to be in close proximity to each other. Jack was struggling with it more than Daniel, he had always been a hands-on sort of guy and having to curtail his natural instincts to reach out was hard on him. Daniel on the other hand found it easy to fall back into his self-hugging shell.

Still, this sudden desire of Jack's to get wet and almost naked together was a little unsettling but to be honest, at that moment Daniel was too tired to even care. He slipped stiffly out of his clothes and into the trunks. When he stepped back out onto the deck a few moments later, Jack was already in the water with just his head visible over the tubs rim.

Daniel took of his glasses and laid them carefully on the small wooden table then lowered himself gingerly into the very hot water. It was hotter than he would have chosen but the moment he slid into it, his muscles began to unclench and he couldn't prevent to moan of pleasure that escaped his lips at the wonderful feeling.

Finally he managed to get his eyes to open as he settled himself on the built in seat and saw that Jack was grinning at him. The older man reached behind him and miraculously produced a bottle of chilled beer, which he passed to Daniel, then retrieved one for himself.

"Better?" he asked, finally reassured that Daniel was indeed beginning to relax. Daniel sighed and let himself slip further into the hot water, being careful to keep the bottle above the surface.

"Oh yeah!" He breathed, taking a long slug of the beer. They relaxed in silence for a long time, the quiet only broken occasionally by the sound of children laughing in the street out front. Then eventually the street went quiet again and Daniel glanced at a very relaxed Colonel.

"When did you get a hot tub Jack?"

Jack laughed and gulped down some of his own beer.

"Got it installed last week. It's an early Christmas Present to myself."

Daniel sat up straighter, feeling irrationally deflated. Christmas? Of course it was nearly Christmas! How had it snuck up on him unawares again? Not that he celebrated it but still, he liked to walk down the city streets and listen to the carollers and watch the shoppers hurrying around. Not taking part but observing – that was his thing. He tried to work out what the date was but his brain was just so tired. Finally he had to ask Jack.

"It's the 4th of December Daniel. Jeez you must have really been zoned out this last week"

* Try the last six months * thought Daniel wryly, not putting the thoughts into words. He just nodded and drank some more beer. Starting with the death of his old archaeology professor, the retrial of General Hammond, the terrifying teaching dream bestowed on him by Shifu, his addiction to the light from the Goa'uld pleasure palace, the near loss of Sam to the computer entity, the confusion of having to deal with two Jack O'Neill's and finally this last little adventure which had them fighting Goa'uld, losing Teal'c, getting stranded half way across the universe and almost being overrun buy replicators again and you had the fixins for a massive nervous breakdown.

The combination of alcohol and hot water was making him drowsy but he doubted that he could sleep. His aching muscles may have relaxed but they were still tied in knots. What he really needed was some strong medication but he would never admit that to anyone.

Jack was watching him lose the battle to keep his eyes open. He sighed and quickly climbed out of the tub reaching for his fluffy towelling robe against the cold December air.

"C'mon Daniel, time to get out before you fall asleep and drown."

Daniel remained motionless as Jack opened the valve that let the water drain out. He lifted a second robe and waved it invitingly at Daniel. The younger man sighed again and tried to get to his feet. Eventually Jack took pity on him and offered a hand. Daniel hadn't realised just how stiff he was until he tried to climb out of the tub. He was grateful for Jacks strong fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist.

Jack draped the robe across his shoulders and told him to go inside while he covered the Tub up. Daniel felt very light-headed as the cold air ghosted across his over heated skin and staggered against the doorframe. Jack cursed and reached out to steady him.

"Daniel, are you OK?"

Daniel smiled weakly and carried on into the living room. He didn't stop until he had reached the spare bedroom where he peeled off the wet shorts and then fell sprawling face down onto the bed; the fluffy robe half off his shoulder.

A few minutes later Jack knocked at the open door. Daniel turned his head painfully and decided that this brave soldier thing was getting him no where.

"Jack, have you got any pain killers? My back is killing me!"

In a heartbeat Jack was sitting on the bed beside him, tugging the robe aside to assess the damage. Daniel's fuzzy brain protested at the sudden exposure but his body was too tired and sore to move.

"Shit!" Jack cursed as he surveyed the large yellow and black bruise spreading from the top of Daniels left buttock to just above his kidney. He must have gotten that during the fire fight with the replicators. He gently fingered the area but Daniel didn't flinch. Probably the pain was deeper than just surface skin.

Jack got up and left and Daniel groped blindly for the robe, the sheet, anything to cover his nakedness. Before he could find a thing, Jack had returned holding a bottle of something a lurid shade of green. Daniel raised his eyebrow enquiringly and Jack shrugged.

"Its massage oil, but it's also a mild analgesia. I use it for my knees. It's good, honest."

When Daniel didn't make any complaints, Jack tugged the robe off and poured some of the oil into the palm of his hand, rubbing it business like into the tense shoulders.

"If I hurt ya just holler ok?" he grinned as he began working of the worst of the knots.

Daniel buried his head in his pillowing arms and groaned in pleasure. Sure, Jack was just being a friend, sure his fingers were nothing more than professional, but they were still Jack's fingers and they were touching his naked skin. He would have to have been dead not to respond.

Jack's hands stilled at the sound, then a second later he continued, obviously deciding that whatever else his friend might be feeling right now, he needed this. Daniel willed his hips not to rock as he relaxed into the long sweeping motion of Jack's strong fingers on his slick skin. It was almost too much to bear but despite everything, he could feel the tension leave his body. It felt great.

Jack was gentle when massaging the discoloured skin at the base of Daniels spine and tried to avoid touching anything too personal, which meant that he had to look at Daniels butt. He would rather be looking at the business end of a staff weapon right now but he had to get past this slightly panicky feeling he had every time he got close to Daniel. His friend really needed this massage and even if it killed him, he would give it to him.

After a few more moments Jack could see that his friend had finally fallen deeply asleep. He smiled and brought a fresh quilt from the hall closet. Gently draping it over Daniels sleeping form he knelt beside his friend and softly brushed an errant lock of hair from his eyes. He watched for a moment then planted a soft kiss onto the top of his head and sighed.

"I wish I could love you like you want me to Daniel" he said sadly to the sleeping man, "neither of us deserves to be alone anymore. But I just can't..." He trailed off in frustration. What was he doing anyway having this conversation with a comatose archaeologist. Daniel already knew how he felt. What was the point in dragging it back up? He got silently to his feet and went into his own bedroom. He peeled off his trunks and roughly towelled himself dry then slipped between the sheets naked. The soft cotton was cool on his flesh. He looked over to the empty side of his bed and touched the unused pillow.

"God Sara I miss you," he muttered as he let sleep claim him.

"Oh God Daniel yes!" gasped Jack as he felt the hot moist mouth close over his throbbing erection at last. It took all of his remaining self-control to keep form ramming his hips upwards at the intimate touch. Daniel let his lips slide almost painfully slowly down Jack's cock then back up, all the while cupping and caressing his balls with long skilful fingers. Jack was loosing it, his breath began to hitch and he was moaning almost continually.

"Daniel, oh Christ Daniel finish me...please!" he begged raggedly. Daniel began to move in earnest and Jack could feel the pressure build between his legs as Daniel sucked hard. His head began to thrash against the pillows as he felt the incredible orgasm overwhelm him.

"Daniel....." Jack shouted as he came, his body arching off the bed with the sheer force of it. It took him a moment to get his bearings and realise that he was alone in his bed and that he had just had his first wet dream in over twenty years! He fought to get his breathing under control and fought even harder to forget the content of his dream. He had fallen asleep thinking of Sara and woken up thinking of Daniel.

He staggered from the sweaty sticky bed and made it to the bathroom before he threw up in the toilet. Oh God what was happening? Why had he had that dream? He sunk onto the floor and hugged the pan letting the cold porcelain cool his flushed cheeks. Again the image of Daniel going down on him surfaced and again he emptied his stomach contents.

"Jack.....what's wrong? Are you ill?"

Daniel's voice echoed in the silence behind him. He hadn't bothered closing the bathroom door in his haste to reach the toilet, and Daniel hovered in the doorway, his voice sleep slurred and husky. Jack groaned and hugged the toilet tighter. No way could he turn and look at Daniel right now.

"Must have had a bad beer Daniel. Go on back to bed."

Two bare feet appeared in his peripheral vision and a soft hand rested on his shoulder.

"Can I get you anything? A drink of water maybe?"

Jack risked a quick glance. Daniel had pulled on the fluffy robe and loosely tied it at the waist but in his half conscious state, it gaped open exposing his chest. His hair was all over the place and he was squinting at Jack, unable to focus without his glasses. Jack groaned and wretched again, this time without loosing this stomach lining. Daniel's cold hand squeezed the nape of his neck reassuringly. Jack closed his eyes and tried to pull himself together.

"Really Daniel, I'm fine. Please go to bed. I'm sorry I disturbed you."

"Well if you're sure?"

Jack managed to nod and watched as the naked feet padded away. A moment later he managed to lift his head. His semen had dried on his stomach and thighs to a hard flaky mess and he reached for a flannel to scrub himself clean, quickly and efficiently, not allowing himself to think about how it had got there in the first place. He would think about that later, he promised. Tomorrow, like Scarlet O'Hara.

Daniel climbed back into Jack's spare bed and pulled the quilt up to his chin. It hadn't been the sound of Jack being sick that had roused Daniel for the sleep-of-the-dead; it had been the sound of Jack's voice hoarsely shouting out his name. But perhaps that had been a dream. It wouldn't be the first time Daniel had woken in the early hours of the morning after dreaming that Jack and he were making love, with tears in his eyes and his own cock in his hand!

Except that this time he had not awoken aroused. When he was sure that he was properly awake he had gone to check on Jack and found his bed empty and rumpled with the evidence of Jack's completion still cooling on the sheets. He had found Jack in the bathroom being violently sick and for once in his life; he had no words to soothe his friend because he had no idea what was happening. He lay under the quilt staring at the ceiling and frowned. He had to think this through.

If he was right, Jack had just had an erotic dream starring him; he had then woken up at the point of orgasm and fled to the lavatory to throw up. Not very flattering. However if that was true, Daniel had to wonder what had sparked the erotic nature of the dream to begin with. After all they both knew that Jack just didn't think of Daniel like that. At least he hadn't. Until now!

Daniel heard the toilet flush and the sound of water splashing then the hall light went out. Daniel sighed and closed his eyes. No matter what was going on right now inside Jack's head, it was nothing the colonel wanted to examine too closely, of that Daniel was quite sure. He would continue to remain silent, he would keep his distance and eventually Jack might talk about it. He would be a good friend even if that meant helping Jack to sublimate his true feelings.

Three weeks later...

Daniel straddled the bar stool and reached for the mug of coffee placed on the counter before him. He took an appreciative sip and glanced up at the woman in front of him. Sam had scrubbed the same spot on the counter several times and Daniel let his hand close over hers.

"Sam - talk to me."

She dropped the cloth into the sink and braced her hands on the counter letting her head fall forward briefly, before meeting his eyes.

"It feels weird. I know they took away all the surveillance stuff but I can't shake the feeling of being watched. And I keep expecting to walk into a room and see him sitting there. He freaked me out a little but I really liked him you know?"

Daniel nodded and patted her hand reassuringly. Sam's basement was now cleared and the team that had dismantled the home made Stargate were long gone but Sam's privacy had been invaded and it would take time for her to feel comfortable in her own home again. Daniel had watched the footage shot over a 24-hour period where Orlin had refused to show himself. He knew he couldn't have managed to go about his business and ignore the hidden cameras if it had been him. Sam reached for her own neglected coffee and took a sip.

"He was lonely. I could relate to him you know"

Daniel nodded again. Yes he could relate to that too. Several times over the past three months he had considered going to a gay club and trying to find solace in a stranger's arms. But that wasn't his style. It never had been. He could take the edge off for a few hours but it would just leave him wanting more. More of what he couldn't have. After the incident at Jack's house a few weeks ago, Jack had begun giving off mixed signals. Daniel knew how confused his friend was feeling and had been trying to give him the room he needed to work things out in his own head.

But the looks being thrown his way were hot enough to melt the buttons on his BDU's. He knew Jack probably wasn't even aware that he was giving off the fuck me vibe! He was probably just remembering the intensity of his dream and wondering if it could be like that in real life. No way would he ever act on it. Daniel had become good at ignoring Jack. Consequently Jack begun to hang out with Teal'c more and Daniel with Sam.

Actually it was no hardship, Sam was witty and kind and intelligent. They could talk about meaning of life stuff until dawn broke then come into work tired but still animated. Jack had observed them arriving in the same car on a number of occasions and Daniel wondered what he made of it. Frankly he didn't much care. Jack wasn't so much pushing him away these days as actively avoiding him. When they had to be together, Jack was pleasant enough; supportive; friendly even. But he made no effort to be with Daniel outside of the workplace, preferring to take Teal'c to the pictures or to Hockey games.

Daniel tried not to let it hurt him. The reasons for Jack's distancing were clear enough. The colonel had tried not to let Daniel's attraction to him affect their friendship but in the end he had failed. It shimmered in the air between them like a mist. How could he have hoped to ignore it? So now he was pulling back, establishing a perimeter, building a wall.

"Daniel - wanna talk?"

"Huh? Oh sorry I was miles away wasn't I?"

Sam took his hand and led him into the living room. Once they were seated on her comfortable sofa she tucked one leg under her and turned to face him

"What's wrong Daniel? You've been miserable for months. Can I help?"

Daniel suddenly wanted someone to talk to. Someone he could tell all his woes to but he knew it couldn't be Sam. She was military and she couldn't find out about this no matter what the cost. He knew he could trust her not to tell anyone, but she would hate him for feeling that way about another man. He didn't want to risk loosing her friendship too.

"No, it's nothing Sam. I have some issues to sort through, but I'm getting there"

She took his hand in hers and smiled softly.

"You know Daniel, there are some things I'm not allowed to ask about but if you decided to tell me anyway, I think you'd be surprised how much I already know."

Daniel's jaw gaped at the thinly disguised reference to the Air Forces stupid regulation and stayed agape when the full impact of Sam's words hit him. She knew how he felt about Jack? He felt the panic rising in his chest but she was squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"Daniel, please don't look at me like that. I've known for a long time. I would never make any trouble for you guys, you know that don't you?"

Daniel gulped and tried to lick parched lips with a tongue that was as dry as the desert. Sam knew? Oh my god Sam KNEW!

"Daniel...."

"He – he doesn't. I mean Jack and I aren't...he's straight!"

Sam cocked her head to the side and frowned.

"Oh! Ok I guess I don't know as much as I thought I did. You're in love right?"

"I'm in love yes"

"But..."

Daniel got up and began pacing. He wanted to talk about this, and Sam had already worked most of it out, so it wasn't like he was betraying any confidences here. He stopped at the window and stared out unseeingly into the cold night air.

"He knows how I feel about him Sam but he can't love me back. When I told him, I thought he would walk away, but he still valued the friendship enough to let me stay close, even knowing how I felt, he still wanted to be my friend. I love him so much Sam. Some days I can barely look at him without wanting..."

He trailed off, not sure how much information his friend was willing to hear. He had no idea how Sam felt about same sex relationships, and ultimately, he may have lost her respect already.

"Daniel, come here"

He went to her and gladly fell into her comforting arms. She hugged him close and kissed his hair until his panicked breathing returned to normal. Then she straightened and cupping his cheeks, she smiled shakily at him.

"I know exactly how you feel"

He mentally kicked himself for being such an inconsiderate bastard! It wasn't like he didn't know how Sam felt about Jack, he'd just forgotten about it in his desperately selfish need to get this burden off his chest. This was another reason why it shouldn't have been Sam he confided in. He began to make a heartfelt apology but her soft palm pressed across his lips, halting the words before they were formed.

"I'm in love with a woman Daniel. I care about Jack, but he isn't the one I want to be with. I used the rumours about Jack and me to hide my true feelings.

"Wh...what? Who?"

She smiled and shook her head sadly,

"Now you know you're not supposed to....."

"Fuck the rules Sam, I'm not military and anyway, I told you mine so now you tell me yours"

She lent forwards and whispered in his ear. He sat back, a huge smile lighting his entire face.

"No Shit!"

Jack pulled his truck into the drive and opened the boot. He had enough beer in here to put him in hospital if he drank even half of it but he was determined that he wouldn't run out of alcohol mid way though his planned oblivion-fest! Hell, if half the base showed up unexpectedly, they couldn't have drunk all this. Jack figured that if he was still sober in the morning, he could just start drinking again until he forgot who the hell he was. He might even manage to stay drunk right through to the New Year!

He pulled the first case out and hefted it on his shoulder while he fished in his hip pocket for his house keys. It took several trips to get all the beer inside but once he had emptied the fridge and restocked it from top to bottom in Budweiser, he began to feel much more relaxed. He planned out his evening carefully in his mind as he hung up his coat and scarf. He would start with a long soak in the tub, then he would light the fire and listen to some music or perhaps watch the tape of the last Hockey game he'd missed. He would make something to eat and see what rubbish was on television. He doubted there would be anything palatable, this being Christmas Eve and all.

The knock on his door made him jump. Carollers probably. He decided to ignore it but the knock sounded again, louder and more insistent. Finally he threw the door open expecting to be hit with an off key version of Good King Wenceslas. Instead he was hit with a snowball! Daniel grinned and reached forward to swipe some of the snow from Jack's shirtfront. Some of the ice slithered down inside the collar and he shivered as it made its way down his chest.

"Hi," said Daniel brightly as he stood in the doorway. Jack blinked. Daniel was the last person he had expected to see.

"I thought you were a carol singer" Jack said stupidly and continued to stare at Daniel. The younger man cleared his throat nervously. He wasn't sure what impulse had made him leave the sanity of Sam's house to come here but he was seriously questioning it now. He hadn't wanted to leave her alone on Christmas Eve, but she assured him that she would find a welcome at the Frasier home, so he had swallowed what little sense he had left and driven over to Jack's house. There was enough beer stacked in the hall to sink a ship. Jack was obviously planning on having a party and Daniel was just as obviously not invited.

"I think I could manage Silent Night if it would let me use your bathroom" Daniel managed to force out through frozen lips. Jack shrugged and stepped aside. Daniel hurried past and made it to the bathroom before slapping his head with the palm of his hand. This had to be the stupidest idea he's even had. How could he have thought Jack would want to see him tonight of all nights.

Jack closed his door and automatically slid the bolt across. He switched off the lights, leaving only one small lamp burning in the living room and stepped out onto the deck. The tub bubbled under its protective lid and watched silently as steam escaped and vented into the frigid air. He sighed and remembered the last time he had actually used the tub. That was the night of the dream! Things had never been the same again after that night. Jack pulled the lid from the tub and checked the temperature. Perfect.

He went to his bedroom and donned his trunks, then on an impulse he pulled out his spare pair and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Danny - I'm getting in the tub now. If you feel like a dip, I've left my spare shorts out here for you. If not, well just make sure to put the chib down when you leave ok?"

Daniel was sitting on the pan with his head in his hands when Jack's voice filtered under the door. He waited until he was sure Jack had gone then peeked around the door. The shorts were on the floor. Daniel bent and picked them up, fingering the soft shiny material in confusion. Jack wanted him to stay? He retreated back into the bathroom and stripped as quickly as he could.

Jack retrieved two beers from the groaning fridge and slipped into the tub. This was insane. Why the fuck had he asked Daniel to stay? The past few weeks had been hard. He had come to the conclusion that he and Daniel should stay as far away from each other as possible for both their sanities. It had worked too. He hadn't had one single repeat performance of the dream in all that time. At least not while he was asleep. It had often replayed in broad daylight when he was distracted and in Daniels company, which was actually far more disturbing than dreaming it. It meant that he was fully conscious and aware at the time. It confused and upset him and he didn't want to be feeling this way so he avoided Daniel and it worked godamit!

Up to a point. And that point had come earlier that evening when he had dreamed about Daniel again and this time, he hadn't freaked. This time he had allowed himself to acknowledge the simple truth. He loved Daniel. It didn't matter what sex he was, all that mattered was that he was the bravest, most intelligent, best looking, most stubborn, son of a bitch Jack had ever known and he was nothing without him. But he couldn't go down that road. He had to maintain the distance he had put between them. He wasn't ready to throw away everything he had thought he was, to become something he knew nothing about. It scared the hell out of him.

And in one moment of madness, he had wiped away all that good effort and asked Daniel to get nearly naked and wet with him! That thought had him groaning into the neck of his beer. He was about to climb back out and go tell Daniel that he had changed his mind when a long slim leg dipped into the water at his side, followed a second later by the rest of Daniel. He made a gut-wrenching groan as he slid into the steaming water and relaxed back against the edge. His eyes didn't meet Jack's.

They sat in silence for what seemed to Jack like hours. Finally he remembered his manners and reached onto the deck for the other beer. Daniel took it gratefully and tapped it gently against Jack's.

"Happy Christmas" he smiled. Jack stared at his beer bottle and Daniel's then up into the other man's eyes, the water in the hot tub reflecting in them and making them impossibly blue. And in a moment of clarity, he knew that he was glad to have Daniel here. Nothing else mattered except that Daniel wanted to be here too. The depth of his feelings hit him with the force of a tidal wave. He didn't just love Daniel; he was IN love with him. It was all he could do to keep his voice steady as he smiled back and repeated Daniel's gesture with his own bottle.

"Happy Christmas Daniel and thank you."

"For what?"

Jack sighed and carefully placed both his and Daniel's bottles on the deck before sliding onto the seat beside his friend. It had taken him long enough to come to terms with what he was feeling but now that he had, nothing was going to stop him telling Danny.

"For giving me the space to work this out on my own."

Daniel could feel Jack's leg pressing against his under the bubbling water and wanted to move away but there was no where to go. One butt cheek was already hanging off the edge of the seat. He nudged Jack with his hip and shoulder.

"Hey - quit hogging the seat, just cos it's your tub...whoa!"

Daniel gasped as Jack reached round and took him by the waist, lifted him, turned him and deposited him on his lap with one leg on either side of Jacks thighs. Out of shock, Daniel grabbed Jack's shoulders and braced himself. Jack just smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around Daniel's waist until he had no option but to relax his arms or risk having them broken. This allowed Jack to pull him even closer and suddenly he was very aware of how aroused his friend was.

"JACK!" he yelled staring intently into his friend's eyes. There was something wrong here. Jack would never do this voluntarily. He wriggled away only to be pulled even closer and now Jack was kissing his neck and shoulder in an extremely erotic way. Daniel gasped and let his head fall back, panting as Jack's lips followed the curve upwards. Sanity tried to reassert itself as he felt Jack's lips graze over his jaw

"Jack what are you doing?" he managed to rasp out through a throat made hoarse from panting.

"I would have thought that was obvious to an anthropologist of your skill and expertise Daniel," Jack growled against his cheek, "but if you really need me to spell it out..."

And Jack was kissing him. It wasn't a tentative, chaste or experimental kiss either; it was a full-on searing heat filled, passionate, devouring kiss. Daniel gasped again and Jack's tongue slipped inside his mouth. Daniel felt a bolt of liquid desire shoot through his body and arched his back in pleasure. Jack groaned into his mouth and arched right back.

Rational thought was all but gone but Daniel fought to keep some shred of sanity. Pushing away, he grabbed Jack's face and looked into his eyes.

"Jack, how much have you had to drink?"

"You think I'm drunk?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Three months ago you told me that you would never feel like this, that you couldn't do this - you couldn't even kiss me, remember?"

Jack's eyes flashed with recalled memory.

"Do you want to know why I ran that night?"

Daniel took advantage of Jacks distraction to free himself and take a step back wards.

"Because you were appalled and disgusted that I thought of you sexually and you didn't know what to do about it."

"Partly Daniel but mostly because I was appalled and disgusted at myself for feeling the same way."

Daniel let his eyebrow do his talking.

"I wasn't ready to admit to having those kinds of feeling for a man so I ran. I allowed myself to let you take all the blame. That night when I woke up and was sick, I was dreaming about you."

"I know," Daniel said quietly, still not willing to believe that Jack could have changed his mind like this, "but dreaming about making love to me made you sick to your stomach Jack!"

"No - it made me so fucking turned on that I came all over myself!"

Daniel reddened and looked away but Jack continued talking.

"And I came so fucking hard that shouted out your name. What made me vomit was the shock of finding out that I loved you."

Daniel jerked his head round and stared at Jack wordlessly.

"Daniel, I can't go on like this. I've never been attracted to another man before, so I guess I couldn't understand what was happening between us. If you hadn't had the guts to tell me that night how you felt, I doubt I would ever have made the leap myself. Daniel, I need you in my life, in arms and in my bed but I'll take you anyway I can get you if you're still interested."

Daniel took a faltering step forward then flung himself across the remaining space into Jacks outstretched arms. The kiss went on until they had to break apart gasping for breath.

"Jack, I love you more than life itself you know that don't you?"

"Even after all I've put you through?"

Daniel wrapped his arms around Jacks neck and kissed him slowly and lingeringly before answering.

"You faced something that terrified you for my sake, Jack. What better testament of your love could you show me? And you have to know that it's going to get harder not easier. There are going to be things that will freak you out Jack. But if you want to do this, then I'll take you anyway I can have you too."

"And if I can't face... you know...?"

"Penetrative sex?"

".....yeah that"

Daniel hugged him closer

"'Anyway I can have you' is more than enough Jack"

"Then I have one more thing to ask."

Daniel pulled back and studied Jacks impassive face questioningly.

"Anything."

"Remember I said that I would kill you if you laid so much as one finger on my ass?"

"Uhu"

"Forget I ever said that would you?"

Daniel smiled and pulled Jack up to stand in front of him. Slowly and deliberately he slipped his hands inside the waistband of Jacks shorts and down over his ass.

"Yes sir, Colonel, SIR!"

Jack flinched but covered his lapse with crushing Daniel against his chest and kissing the breath out of him. It was a start, and Daniel was a patient man. Maybe Jack would never be ready to go all the way, but they had all the time in the world to experiment with what he was ready for.

"Happy Christmas Jack," he breathed when the colonel released him.

"Righbackatcha Spacemonkey."

Daniel turned the shower temperature down to cold and taking a deep breath, stepped under the frigid torrent. He gasped as the icy water cascaded down his over heated flesh but it had the desired effect. The hard-on he seemed to have been sporting for the last three weeks finally began to subside and he breathed a sigh of relief.

He felt like a teenager again, trying to persuade a reluctant girlfriend to get past first base. Not that had much luck with that as a teenager either. Even at Oxford it had taken him the better part of a year to get laid, and it hadn't been the most earth shattering of experiences.

His trouble now was that every time he and Jack tried to do anything more intimate than kiss, Jack would flinch, sometimes he would freeze up completely and Daniel was beginning to wonder if they would ever manage to make love. Hell. Right now he would settle for a quick hand-job but Jack couldn't even manage that!

Daniel suddenly felt guilty for his uncharitable thoughts. Jack was trying, he really was. He couldn't help being straight. It should be enough that he was in love with Daniel and that he occasionally dreamed about him. He was just having a lot of trouble dealing with the reality. So they were taking it slowly. Daniel didn't want Jack to freak out completely in fear that he might loose him.

Things went on at SGC as normal and when their duty shifts were over, they would leave in their own cars but meet up at Jack's house. Occasionally they would go to Daniel's but Jack never seemed to feel comfortable there so mostly it was Jack's house.

Daniel switched off the shower and stepped shivering onto the mat. If this went on much longer, he was going to explode. His nights were full of torrid dreams of what he would do to Jack when he finally got him into bed. His days were full of half formed daydreams and his mind kept wondering. It was beginning to affect his work and it was a real worry but what could he do? Jack wanted him; he had seen the evidence of that often enough. But Jack's mind wouldn't let him relax. He had thought of getting Jack plastered but he wasn't sure he wanted their first time to be under the influence.

So he took cold showers and slept in the spare room. It was getting harder and harder to do but he was determined to give Jack all the time he needed.

Jack tossed and turned in his bed, images of Daniel coursing through his mind and giving him no rest. God but he'd tried! He wanted nothing more than to throw the younger man down on his bed and jump on him from a great height but he couldn't. Maybe he should have told Daniel about what had happened to him. Explain why he was reacting like this. Daniel would understand.

The problem was that he'd never spoken about it before. Not even the psychiatrist assigned to help him with the trauma had managed to get him to talk about it. There had been serious consideration over his fitness to return to duty. Fortunately the shrink was a good one and had decided that Jack was the sort of man that would better deal with things in his own mind. And so he had been allowed to go back to work. He pushed the memories to the back of his mind and vowed never to think about them again. And he had kept that promise. Right up until the moment Daniel had touched him for the first time.

Then all the pain, the humiliation and the helplessness had come flooding back and he had nearly been crushed by the weight of it. Not over it. Not by a long shot. Daniel would have understood. But he couldn't bring himself to talk about it not even to Daniel. So he had asked for more time, told his friend that he just needed to adjust to this massive change in their relationship and Daniel had smiled and given him all the space he needed.

God, how he loved Daniel. He desperately wanted to give him what he needed. But how could he get past the terror? He threw back the sheets and began prowling the bedroom. Seconds later Daniel was in the doorway watching him with concern.

"Jack?"

Jack couldn't look Daniel in the eyes. He never wanted his friend to see him like this. He stared out of the window at the moonlit garden and sighed.

"Go back to bed Daniel."

He felt the warmth against his naked back and knew that Daniel was standing right behind him. He adjusted his focus and saw his reflection in the glass. He saw Daniel reach out to touch him then suddenly pull his hand back, afraid of rejection again. Jack bit his lip until he could taste blood. How can I keep doing this to him? It isn't fair.

"Daniel. I don't think this is going to work."

He heard the gasp of shock behind him but still couldn't turn round. If he looked at Daniel now his resolve to let the man go would crumble.

"I'm sorry. I really tried."

Daniel gulped back the tears and took a step backwards. He wasn't sure his voice would be steady enough but he had to let Jack know that he understood.

"I know you did Jack. Thank you."

Unable to manage any more, Daniel fled from the room and got dressed quickly. He couldn't stay here now. He hadn't been drinking so there was no reason not to drive home. When he finished straightening the bed and looked up, he saw Jack leaning against the doorframe with a worried look in his eyes.

"You don't have to..."

"I do," was all Daniel could manage. He stopped in front of the other man willing him to move so that they wouldn't brush against each other as he passed him but Jack remained motionless. Daniel sighed. He had to get out of here right now or he was going to break down and cry. Jack really didn't need to see that. He needed to see that Daniel was fine.

"Excuse me please," he mumbled looking at his feet.

Jack groaned and suddenly he was in Jacks arms being kissed to within an inch of his life. Jack was devouring him, pressing him up against the doorframe and surging against him. Daniel shivered at the feeling of an aroused Jack O'Neill, half naked and hard as nails pinning him against the door. It was one of his fantasies but reality was way more powerful that any dream could even be. Daniel's heart began hammering in his chest but he was still confused as hell.

"Jack...?" he hissed.

Jacks' breathing was ragged and he took twin handfuls of Daniel's shirt and pulled them apart, the buttons popping and flying off in all directions, but Jack didn't notice, he was too busy feasting on the newly exposed flesh. Daniel felt his knees grow weak and slumped against Jack. What the hell was going on? One minute Jack was flinching like a virgin, the next he had gone all Neanderthal!

Not that he minded the cave man tactics. In fact he was getting very hard at the thought of all that barely controlled strength overpowering him, but he had to know what was going on in his friends mind. He tried to struggle free, but Jack hauled the tatters of his shirt down his arms and twisted it somehow so that his arms were trapped behind his back. Then he grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Daniel's head back to expose his throat. Daniel gasped at the combined sensations of pain and pleasure as Jack's teeth closed over his skin. At the same time, a rough hand popped the stud on his jeans and tugged impatiently at the zipper.

This was much further than they had ever gone before, and suddenly Daniel noticed that Jack was making all the moves. He wasn't being allowed to touch. Was it that simple? Jack had to be in control, to dominate in order to get past his guilt? Daniel groaned deep in his throat and arched his back in submission. He could definitely do this. The bedroom was one place he was actually willing to take orders.

Jack had closed down his mind and let his passion take over. Right up until the moment Daniel had stood before him, trying to hold back the pain and confusion, he had been determined to end it. Then he had felt something deep inside give. He couldn't let Daniel walk out of his life now. The past didn't matter, he loved Daniel and Daniel would never hurt him. He had intended the kiss to say sorry but the moment he had Daniel in his arms again, his brain had shut down. And something very raw and predatory had surfaced.

He was aware dimly that his actions were a subconscious attempt to reassure himself that he was not helpless, that he was in complete control of the situation and that he could stop this any time he wanted. He only hoped that Daniel would forgive him for being so rough. Daniel certainly seemed to be coping with the manhandling very well. Even with his hands trapped behind him and his jeans dangling low on his hips, he was gasping and writhing against Jack wantonly.

Jack released his neck and began backing him towards the bed, glad that Daniel had been in such a hurry to leave that he hadn't bothered with socks or underwear. As his knees hit the bed and he fell backwards, Jack pulled his jeans off and threw himself down beside the younger man before he could change his mind. Daniel struggled against the shirt still trapping his arms but Jack stilled him with a kiss.

"Leave it," he whispered against Daniels flushed cheek. The younger man relaxed and watched his friend's face as his eyes roamed over Daniel's naked body. For this to work, he would have to be helpless and unable to touch. Jack had to have complete control. He looked into the sparkling blue eyes and sought permission. Daniel smiled and nodded.

He wasn't sure what Jack had in mind and how far he intended to take this, but he was ready, willing and able to take it as far as Jack needed. Whatever he wanted, Daniel would give him.

Jack had a moment of panic when his eyes finally settled on Daniel's erection. He was bigger that Jack had expected and much thicker. He gulped and pushed the thoughts away. He was in charge here. Daniel couldn't hurt him. Daniel wouldn't hurt him. He leaned forward and kissed the younger man slowly and softly, their bodies inches apart but not touching at all. Daniel let his lips part and felt Jack's hot questing tongue slip inside. He groaned at the erotic touch.

Jack surged against him and suddenly every inch of him was pressed against every inch of Jack. It was overwhelming. His skin sparked and crackled with electricity at the feeling. Jack had both of his hips in a bruising grasp, his own erection battling to free itself from the confines of his pyjama bottoms. Daniel wanted to haul the constricting fabric away but he couldn't move. He understood why Jack needed to do it this way. He was setting the pace, and driving Daniel wild at the same time.

Jack bent his head and sucked a tight hard nipple into his mouth, smiling as Daniel cried out and surged against him, his hips bucking frantically. He let his tongue trail languidly over the tiny nub, eliciting a string of guttural curses in some obscure language. Daniel was so turned on that he couldn't think anymore. If Jack froze on him now he would explode. He tried not to make a sound but the sensations ripping though his body were too powerful.

Jack trailed his tongue across the smooth chest and latched onto the other nipple.

"Jack!" Daniel groaned writhing even closer. Jack pulled back, panting, his eyes black with desire. He looked at Daniel's flushed face, eyes closed tightly, lips bruised and swollen from the force of his passion and his heart burst into a thousand fragments only to reform again, but this time complete. He let his hand slide round and engulf the straining cock and felt only his need, not terror. He watched Daniel's face as he gripped the weeping shaft and pulled feeling only his desire, not revulsion. He listened to Daniel's soft moans and felt only his love for this man.

"Daniel" he breathed against his lover's lips. "I want you."

Daniel's eyes fluttered open and he fell into the glittering depths of his friend's gaze. Oh God, this man was his life, his soul, his reason for living. He would do anything, say anything for this man; he would kill for him, he would die for him, he would live for him.

"Then take me," he whispered.

Jack reached around behind Daniel and undid the shirts cuff buttons then gently pulled his arms free. Daniel immediately rolled onto his back raising his hands above his head to grab hold of the headboard. It was a compromise. Jack trusted him enough to free him, he understood Jack enough not to touch. Jack smiled and captured his lips in a tender kiss that soon deepened until they broke apart panting for breath.

Jack propped his head on one hand and used the other to map out every inch of skin he could reach. Daniel bit his lip and forced his hands to stay wrapped around the headboard when Jack lent forward and added his lips to the exploration. He was so close to loosing control now, that whatever Jack did next, it would be his undoing.

And whatever else he had expected; it hadn't been that Jack would go down on him! And yet that was exactly what was happening. Daniel cried out and felt his fingernails dig into the soft wood of the headboard.

"God, Jack! You're ...oh God!"

Jack barely heard Daniel at all. He was so focused on what he was doing and the feeling of power this gave him. He was making those sounds come out of Daniel; he was responsible for the sobbing pleas. He could feel the tension building in his friend's body and knew that he was close. Slowly he pulled back and Daniel's body arched towards the withdrawn heat.

"JACK - please!!!"

Jack's heart was beating so fast that he thought he might have a heart attack any moment. He quickly released his own erection from the constraints of his pyjamas and then took both himself and Daniel in one hand and began pumping slowly. Daniel was going ballistic by now, writhing and moaning continually into Jacks parted lips. He still managed to keep his grip on the headboard and Jack felt a surge of intense love for him.

"Daniel," he whispered against the hot, moist lips, "touch me."

Daniel's eyes fluttered open and searched Jack's passion dazed face. Instinctively he seemed to know that he shouldn't ask if Jack was sure. He had given permission, he was sure. Daniel slowly reached down and covered Jack's hand as it moved faster, rubbing their cocks together, sending spikes of molten pleasure shooting down Daniels legs and thighs. He couldn't hold back any longer. Without breaking eye contact he panted.

"Jack - I'm gonna... Oh! oh God, Jack, YEAH!"

Jack felt the hot semen cover his hand and belly and the intensity of Daniel's orgasm shining from those clear blue eyes sent him spiralling over the edge. One more thrust and he was there.

"Danny!" he cried, as his own release broke free. "Jesus!"

They lay in a tangled mass of arms and legs, chests heaving and heads spinning as they both fought for words to describe what had just happened between them. Finally Daniel got his breath back and hugged Jack close

"Wow" was his assessment. Jack smiled and kissed the top of the head nestled against his neck

"Ditto" he replied eloquently. He absently stroked Daniels arm as it lay possessively across his chest. Daniel raised his head a fraction and twisted to look into Jacks eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asked with concern.

"Yeah - finally. I'm over it Danny. I won't freeze on you again."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Jack gathered Daniel close and thought about that. Yes he did. He really did. He wasn't sure this was something Daniel really needed to know but he really needed to talk about it. He squeezed Daniel tight and took a deep breath.

"I was raped."

Daniel shot upright and stared at his friend in shock.

"What?" he rasped out through suddenly dry lips. Jack reached out and pulled him back down, cradling him against his chest.

"Danny, let me talk ok. This is gonna be hard for both of us but I need to get it out. It happened when I got shot down in Iraq. I was a prisoner for nearly four months and the guards were a little short on entertainment. It hurt Danny - worse than anything I ever felt. But the worst thing was the loss of control. They took away my dignity and my self respect and that was the hardest thing to deal with. I used to think of all the ways I would kill them when I was free. That's what kept me alive and sane."

Jack went quiet and Daniel risked a glance up at his shadowed face.

"You know I would never hurt you don't you Jack?"

Another tight squeeze and Daniel realised that Jack had been fighting back tears.

"I know Danny. I know."

Daniel rolled onto his back bringing Jack with him so that he was now cradling Jack against his chest. He ran his fingers soothingly through the soft silver hair and hugged him close.

"Let it go Jack."

He couldn't have held back the tears if his life depended on it. He held on to Danny and he sobbed, huge racking sobs that came from his soul. Daniel held him until the tears subsided and then kissed him gently until his breathing returned to normal. Jack offered no apology for his loss of control for which Daniel was unaccountable pleased. After a few moments of mutual stroking and kissing, Daniel suddenly sat up and favoured Jack with one of his blinding smiles.

"Since were in the mood for confessions Jack, perhaps you'll tell me about that dream you had - the one that made you sick?"

Jack laughed at his lover's attempt to lighten the mood and Daniel was delighted to note that the older man was blushing.

"You were driving me wild Daniel," he managed to rasp out as Daniel trailed a finger across his back.

"But what was I doing?"

Jack nuzzled Daniel's shoulder.

"Something with your lips," he grinned, determined not to make this too easy. Daniel caught on remarkably quickly and leaned forward to kiss Jack's mouth.

"Was it that?" he asked devilishly. Jack shook his head and Daniel pretended to look pensive.

"Was it this then...?" he lifted Jacks hand and closed his lips slowly over the index finger, sucking it inside. Jack's mouth dropped open as a bolt of desire shot through him, tightening his stomach muscles and causing his ass to clench. Again he shook his head but this time his eyes were closed.

"How about this....?"

The hot talented mouth closed over one erect nipple and sucked. Jack's hips rocked forward and he instantly went hard. Daniel giggled against his skin and adopted a conspiratory tone.

"Oh I see. It must have been this then....!"

"Oh God Daniel yes!" gasped Jack as he felt the hot moist mouth close over his throbbing erection at last. It took all of his remaining self-control to keep form ramming his hips upwards at the intimate touch. Daniel let his lips slide almost painfully slowly down Jack's cock then back up, all the while cupping and caressing his balls with long skilful fingers. Jack was loosing it, his breath began to hitch and he was moaning almost continually.

"Daniel, Christ Danny finish me...please!" he begged raggedly dimly aware that this was almost exactly how it had happened in the dream. Daniel began to move in earnest and Jack could feel the pressure build between his legs as Daniel sucked hard. His head began to thrash against the pillows as he felt the incredible orgasm overwhelm him.

"Daniel... oh God!"

Jack shouted as he came, his body arching off the bed with the sheer force of it. But he wasn't alone in his bed. Daniel was here. Daniel was with him and Daniel loved him. Everything would be ok. As long as he had Daniel, nothing else mattered.